DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
