im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize