No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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