i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Someone shit on the floor
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
