I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
