i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
