Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
