The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
