Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
