make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
