Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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