should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
