I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize