Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
