I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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