look no pants
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
