i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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