I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
