You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
