Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
