that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?