How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
