Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
