PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
