Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My vagina is officially offended.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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