We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
