1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
