question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
