I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Someone came in the potted fern
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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