Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
