hotel room ftw
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
