i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
