last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
