a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Do vagina's smell?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
