first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
