Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
