since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
