I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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