are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
