Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
