my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
