I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
They have beer where we have blood.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
