pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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