i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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