i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
