she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize