Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
