the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
