I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
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