I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
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You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
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Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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