cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
do herpes really smell.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
