I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
