Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
it's like iHOP with fire
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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