i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
