I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize