new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
