We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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