Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
