Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
