Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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