peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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