I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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