if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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