He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
