Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
