paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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